We’re back after a blistering respectable start to the PICKS season, claiming a Jeff Fisher-approved 3-3 record, coming up just 3 combined points short of a 5-1 mark.
First, let’s get to the NEWS.
THE WEEK THAT WAS: Pigskins and Plea Deals Edition
Just how accurate are crime statistics in major U.S. cities?
The Week in Dirtbags
The Walton Family: A Celebration of Obscene Wealth
This Sunday marks the 30th anniversary of legendary failure Art Modell moving the Browns to Baltimore. Conveniently enough, the Browns are in town to take on the Ravens, marking the latest in a 30-year run of middle fingers given to Cleveland.
And whenever I mention Art Modell, I have to reference a brilliant piece of commentary that describes just what a F-up the man was.
Jim Kanicki: Art Modell Has NO Hall of Fame Credentials
The celebration features a real murderer’s row of Baltimore stars, including legendary GM Ozzie Newsome, Hall of Fame tackle Jonathan Ogden, and, of course, renowned killer Ray Lewis.
Naturally, Lewis has become a preacher and motivational speaker. Here, he is seen hosting a TED talk for kids. Among the topics discussed were Plea Deals, Building Self-Esteem, and the Best Spots to Hide a Body.
This Week in Dirtbags features an old regular, Dolphins’ WR Tyreek Hill. This week, Hill is accused of committing continued domestic assaults against his ex-wife. Meanwhile, trade rumors swirl around Hill, with the Chiefs a prime target. But never count out Browns’ GM Andrew Berry sniffing around for a criminal bargain.
We’ll close with news from the Week in Oligarchy. The Broncos unveiled plans to build a new stadium, with initial financial estimates exceeding 4 billion dollars. However, the team’s new owners, the Walton-Penner group, have stated that they will fully fund the endeavor.
Their decision was met with sweeping, effusive praise, which is a bit ridiculous given that the Walton family is worth some 432 billion dollars and most Walmart workers receive government assistance.
But, hooray for billionaires!
Onto the PICKS.
YOUR PICK SIX: Week Two
I’m already off to a great start, taking the Packers at home against an overrated Washington squad.
GB -3.5 at home Washington (Thursday Night) *I have a Wednesday Substack NOTE as proof*
And you know I can’t resist some more Home Dogs.
NY Jets +7.5 at home Buffalo
New Orleans +7.5 at home San Francisco
Both the Jets and Saints have the feel of a team that may only win 5 or 6 games, but will be a tough out, especially at home.
Here, the 49ers are already in midseason banged up mode, while the Bills have to be drained coming off their miracle comeback against the Ravens.
I don’t think either the Jets or Saints win, but they will definitely cover.
We’ll go with some more Home teams:
Pittsburgh -2.5 at home Seattle
Miami -1.5 at home New England
Houston -1.5 at home Tampa Bay
We’ll see if the Steelers offense is for real, especially against a tough Seattle defense. However, betting against Sam Darnold on the road in Pittsburgh is practically a sure thing.
I think Miami is kind of terrible, but definitely not as bad as people are suggesting after they took a stomping in Indy. New England has a weird history playing in Miami, something that dates back to Belichick’s early days. I’m thinking this one gets ugly, but Miami grinds out a win.
Finally, I absolutely hate betting on or against the Texans. This is the team that perennially screws me in some fashion. I’ve lost their last two wild card matchups, where the Texans beat down the Browns and Chargers. However, when I bet them in some random game against the Titans, they fall apart.
So, because I’m stubborn, I’ll take the Texans at home, then immediately regret the pick.
We’ll close as always with This Week in Browns, where the team leadership professed faith in their blundering, UFL-level kicker.
After their 17-16 defeat “almost win” versus the Bengals, veteran Browns’ players have recaptured the undeserved swagger that has permeated the organization for years.
This week, safety Grant Delpit was asked about delivering his big hit last year against future Hall of Famer Derrick Henry.
“How hard is Derrick Henry to bring down?
“Not hard.”
JOK would like to have a word with you.
In Delpit’s defense, his hit on Henry ranks as the most impactful moment of the sixth-year veteran’s career. The play also occurred at the end of a 15-yard run.
Not to be outdone, the Browns’ alleged WR1 Jerry Jeudy chirped about the Ravens’ secondary offering “no challenge.”
Of course, Jeudy’s biggest challenge remains actually catching the ball.
SEASON RECORD:
3-3
Happy Picking!